
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sound Paragraph
Twenty years ago, a man and woman were standing at the train station, waiting for someone. When that person came, the man quickly hopped in the passenger seat and the woman jumped in back. The black car sped off. Its loud exhaust system pierced the mid-night quiet. The car pulled up in front of an empty warehouse and the three people got out. There they met five other people inside. Each carrying a brief case. Just as the brief cases were about to be opened, police sirens whaled outside. Everyone ran and hid. Pretty soon police were in the building searching in every single crack and crevice for the 8 people. They found one of the briefcases and as soon as they opened it, it blew up and destroyed the warehouse. It made the pitch black night look like day.
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I like the mystery and you had good detail in some places such pierced the midnight quiet. I think you could use more detail in many places though and maybe you could try to use more detailed vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteok. Thanks!
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