Authors Note
This piece is a parody of the poem, “Casey at the Bat” by Ernst Thayer. The format is basically the same but a football variation of that.
The chances for the Carlson High Cougars to win were not so good today;
They were losing 36-42 with four minutes left to play;
When Dave was benched with an injury and Aaron the same;
A cloud of disappointment fell upon the audience of the game.
A few of the fans decided to go and not cheer on the team;
The others stayed and watched the game through chattering clenched teeth;
They only thought if John could get a chance to take to the field;
That the Carlson High football team may have favorable yield.
But the other team on the turf had possession of the ball;
And the defense did their best to hold back it all;
Flying down the field was the offense toward the end zone;
The chances of John coming into the game were becoming very lonesome.
But a miracle happened with Kevin making an interception;
He ran down the sideline with great determination;
When Kevin was finally brought down the ref came out to measure;
He said, “10 yards to the goal line!” and the crowd applauded with pleasure.
The cheering rose as John got up and strapped on his helmet;
The Carlson High football team knew they couldn’t blow it;
Already in position and the center with the ball;
John gave the commands to begin the play; the most important one of all.
John looked for someone open, someone to whom he could throw;
But he couldn’t find a person and he took a great big blow;
The ref came out once again to measure where he lay;
He yelled, “Second and 15!” and the crowd began to bay.
They said, “How can this be? John would never do that!”
The coach asked for a timeout so he could have a chat;
Afterwards they went back out to go and try again;
A tension rose among the multitude in the stands as it began to rain.
John yelled again, “Ready, set, hike!”
But John got sacked to the fans dislike;
Frustrated he got up and exclaimed, “This stinks!”
The coach said to John, “This ain’t tiddly winks!”
In the midst of their grave situation at the time;
This was the opportunity for John to really shine;
This time as the clock wound down;
The ball sailed through the air without a sound;
The fans watched the spiraling ball with great intent;
The play shockingly fell short to their horrid discontent;
John now very discouraged sat down thinking it through his head;
“This can’t be happening!” as he heard, “Fourth and eighteen!” overhead.
All eyes were on John as he went out one last time;
He had to make this play work to prevent the team’s demise;
One final time he gave the order to snap the ball back to him;
He grabbed that ball and threw it hard to the receiver named Tim.
Somewhere out in the country people celebrate in song;
Many other children and adults run and join along;
It is different though at Carlson High, the attitude is solemn;
“Cougars Lose 36-42” is the title of the school newspaper column.
